Things have changed quite a bit for him in the past months. You’ll recall that we started the school year with mommy wondering if classroom integration was truly possible. After almost 4 months of school, I can pronounce myself and say: “it depends”.

For my boy, integration in a regular kindergarten classroom has gone well. His language skills have allowed him to understand what his teachers are asking of him and he has started speaking and understanding French! Who would have thought that a boy considered non-verbal at age 3 1/2 would be learning a second language at age 5.  I am grateful. Even with the advances in language that he’s made and with the confirmation that he does not have an intellectual disability (low IQ), I am always aware that the situation re integration can change from year to year. Successful integration depends on many things.

• The skill of the child: I don’t believe that a regular classroom is the place for a non-verbal child with autism and an intellectual disability, even with a full time integration aide. If a child suffers from sensory overload and cannot express or understand language then I believe it is a disservice to such a child to have them participate in a regular class. My children attend a school where this occurs. Parents insist and the government gives them the right to choose but the children look miserable. They cry and act out because it is simply too overwhelming. They need to be removed from the classroom often, cannot interact with their peers and do not follow the curriculum at all, not even if it is adapted. There are excellent schools that can accommodate such children and that are experts in their field, knowing exactly how to teach children presenting such difficulties. There would be much more learning and much less stress for the child in a school catering specifically to special needs students. I had the opportunity to visit such a school in Montreal last year and I was blown away by the care of the teachers, their expertise in their fields, and the success of the students. Every aspect of the curriculum was adapted to the child on an individual basis. It was remarkable.

• The skill and training of the Integration Aide: This is a sore point for me. In our system (the English school system in Montreal) there are no special requirements for integration aides. Some have backgrounds in psychology with extra course work related to autism but many of them are mommies whose kids have started school and who are looking for some extra pocket cash. The position does not pay well and therefore does not attract the most qualified people. If an integration aide is not qualified in teaching techniques, then the best service they can provide is that of extra child care- help with zippering a coat, bathroom help and simple academic help. It is my belief that if all integration aides were trained in simple behaviour techniques and taught TEACH , PECS and other widely accepted teaching methods, we’d be looking at far more success stories when it comes to school integration.

• The dedication and perseverance of parents: If you have a special needs child, you know that he or she is your full time job. If you are going tor receive services, make sure that your child is not passed over when it comes to help, ensure that he or she is receiving the best quality care then you need to dedicate yourself to the cause. Principals and teachers try their best but at the end of the day, they have budgets to respect and they will try to get away with eh least amount of help possible. As a parent I want the MOST possible. Therein lays the conflict. I have sat across from our school principal explaining that I send my boy to school in the hopes that he will reach his MAXIMUM potential, not just a passable level. Every child should be given the tools to maximally perform and it’s the same for special-needs children.

For now, mainstream integration is still my choice for my boy. The integration aide is open and willing although I often have to write notes about what I want specifically worked on. Otherwise, she just makes sure he follows the class. I have higher expectations! I want him to converse with peers, answer questions and ask questions, I want him to play turn-taking games with others. These are all things the aide needs to plan for and work on. I am the one that keeps reminding and making sure that these goals are in the forefront of the staff’s mind. Who knows what the future will hold? I am not opposed to sending him to a special-needs school if I see that he is lagging behind his peers in reading and math skills. That’s the key to educating kids on the spectrum: attentiveness and flexibility. Combine those and you can be sure that you will be doing the best for your child.

Here’s a quote I read on John Piper’s Facebook page today. I’ve often thought it. Glad someone (other than me) said it. It’s making me think…

“When you choose a church you are choosing the people you want to have around you when you die.” Arthur Holmes

So, I am going to turn it around… am I a person someone would want around when they are dying or would I be of comfort to a bereaved family. I am finding that tenderness and gentleness is lacking. Last I checked, gentleness was still a fruit of the spirit and yet, I am at times, hard pressed to find it. If you’re right about something but not gentle in your dealings with people, you’ve missed the boat. Being right doesn’t exempt you from the obligation of being kind and gentle with God’s people.

The trouble we’ve always had was finding a gift for him. He’s not much into playing with toys. he amuses himself with blankets, kleenex and other mundane household items. He doesn’t enjoy building or board games. It’s difficult to find something he truly likes. But this year, I think we’re going to hit it out of the ballpark. And, in passing, may I just add that there’s absolutely no way I’m letting the fat guy in the red suit take credit for this. Nope, this was all us!

This is Jumpy’s gift (shhh)

swivel arm-chair from Ikea

It swivels, the cover folds over the front to create a secret hideaway. It’s the perfect gift for a sensory-seeking child like mine.

He’s gonna love it!

I will pray for the Sprouls, and for me.

You can see Denise and RC Junior in this video at 14 minutes. It’s a video about  two church leaders: Chuck Colson and RC Sproul and their journey with special-needs grandchildren. Watch it if you have time.

http://www.joniandfriends.org/television/when-disability-hits-home/

Just this week, my husband suggested we get our son this book for Christmas. I apologize in advance to our church friends and our family for having to suffer through am 8-year-old armed with a joke book.  It’s Hubby’s fault! Anyway, all the bookstores in the city were out of stock so I ordered on Amazon.  Unfortunately, after I had added books for the other two boys  and finished the order, they sent me an email informing me that said joke book was out of stock and would only arrive at the end of January.

Luckily I was able to cancel the order but now I had a problem. Books were coming for the twins but not the eldest. I decided to check on CBD and…. sure enough, they had one in stock. It shipped less than 24 hours after I ordered it. If their past record is any indication, all three boys will have books for Christmas.

I love CBD!

Head on over to your Metro butcher and get your Christmas Roast beast, I mean beef

It’s very sad. I remember thinking along these lines as I heard of people pepper spraying their way around Walmart to get some good Black Friday deals. What have we become? Don’t get me wrong, I am not against giving gifts. God Himself gives wonderful gifts to His children.  However, we’re always hungry for more. We are insatiable consumers. It’s not what God intends us to be and as Christians we need to fight hard against materialism. It creeps in so easily. We love stuff so much.

This Christmas, as we give gifts to one another and remember the ultimate gift, the gift of God Himself, come in the flesh to live the life we could not live and to take our punishment  in order to bring us to God, won’t you consider blessing someone in need with a different kind of gift?

Compassion Canada, an organization directly involved with local churches in the poorest areas of the world, gives us the opportunity to purchase gifts that can make such a difference in the lives of people. Consider purchasing a mosquito net(13$), a chicken (16$), vaccination (26$), a cow (230$), a pig (75$). Consider, perhaps as a church, purchasing clean water (1500$) or major surgery (5000$) for people without the means to afford life-saving interventions.

Our Pastor once said to me (I hope I am quoting him right): “It’s not wrong to have money, it’s wrong that others do not. The question is whether you willingly share what God has given to you”

This Christmas, won’t you and your family set something aside to relieve the suffering of people in need? And, if you can, perhaps make a place at your table for the lonely, the outcast, the ones with no family, the ones no one cares to be around. Do it unto the Lord!

Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them: ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ Matthew 25:37-40

Perhaps some background to my post will be helpful

Here is my own experience:

Last week I was home alone since my husband was out-of-town. I’ve never been alone that much before and fear would set in at night. In thinking about my fear, I thought that the common Christian counsel in such a situation would be to pray and trust God. But what does it mean to trust God? Trust Him to keep me safe? Why should I trust Him for that? There are plenty of his servants across the globe, servants more fervent and Godly than I, who aren’t kept safe. Some of them are in jail, some are raped and violated, some are suffering the loss of family members who perished in the most violent of ways, some are dying of terminal illnesses so terrible that most look away.

Who am I to suppose that no harm would come to me? So many people have suffered even after having trusted in God. The question of God being safe was a question I wrestled with in the midst of fear. I was afraid and the thought of turning to God brought no comfort at all. If He had decided that we would be robbed, then it would have been so. Had He decided that my husband’s plane would crash (as one of my boys worried about so much), then that also would have been so. I fell asleep resigned but not at all comforted. I was of no help for my kids either. I wasn’t going to tell them that God wouldn’t let Daddy get hurt. Imagine if He had? Then what?

It feels wrong to think of God this way, I feel irreverent, but I’ll bet I am not the only one. People who believe in prosperity for believers sleep well at night. Others, like me, who know the reality of the sting of suffering don’t. I think after Job lost everything, there were probably nights where he wondered, what next? What will God take now? Sometimes I feel that way. To be clear, I’m never angry about it though. I’m always mentally preparing myself in a resigned way. It’s no way to live… waiting for the next trial around the corner. You know in your mind that it’s for good and, you readily accept it, but your experience of God is not warm and comforting, that’s for sure. I’m pretty sure that something has gone wrong in my thinking but I can’t place what and where.

When I think of the cross and what Christ did for me, I am able to approach God and worship Him. I marvel at His plan, I am grateful for the salvation of my soul. I know I can approach God boldly because there is no condemnation for me. That’s never in question. My doubts are about asking for more than that – Health, safety, those kinds of things. They weren’t a given for the apostles, they aren’t a given for my suffering friends and they aren’t a given for me either.