You Can’t Lead Someone to a Place You’ve Never Been

This is not my saying… It’s a popular one but I got it from Jen Wilkin. She’s been a mentor lately. I don’t know her at all, but through her writing, podcasts and every seminar I can get my hands on, she has been showing me things…deep and beautiful things. I’ll share them one day but for now, this statement is coming back to haunt me.

Recently my eldest son returned from camp. I sent my kids to a Christian camp because I trust the staff there but more importantly, I wanted someone to show them the love of Christ, someone other than ME. When I sent them, they seemed disillusioned, apathetic and doubtful. I prayed every day for them to get a fresh understanding of the truths that are the bedrock of my life and to taste the goodness of God.

Fast forward 7 weeks….God answered me. More than I could ever imagine. My child is talking so differently about faith. He is enthusiastic about the love he has encountered in the scripture and the love he felt from the staff members. Now, I know that camp is a utopia. You live in a bubble where there are no stressors, no assignments, teachers, kids doing drugs etc etc. Teenagers these days are so down and depressed so I can understand the attraction to camp life. But it is a conversation with my son that still haunts me.

He basically told me that he had never understood that God loved him, that God would leave 99 sheep to rescue him? Really? All those years of talks with me and sermons and youth group and Sunday School and family devotions and his Dad going through Hebrews with him at Christmas time? Really???? I felt the pang of reproach and with it the welling up of self-defense. Not MY fault, you were not listening, son!

You see, I hate religion. I hate anything that smells like it. And, in typing this I realize I need to repent from my religiosity about anti religion! I am all about the gospel- Jesus dining with sinners, loving the unlovely….I LOVE this truth. How in 15 years had it never been communicated to my son?!

But quickly, I knew this was not a time for self-preservation and self-righteousness. It was a time to humble myself and to listen. So I asked him to please explain, asked him what I could have done differently. It is an ongoing conversation and I KNOW I need to hear him and to listen well. I NEED my every failure exposed. To be honest, I am still wrestling with it. How does a parent call a child to a higher standard and teach them to be less selfish, less indulgent, kinder, more responsible while at the same time teaching them that they are not accepted on their merit. They are loved as they are. It’s messy and tricky and I am not doing a good job. But I am praying that God covers my insufficiency. That in me asking my son to explain, to open his heart to me, I can show him a vulnerability and communicate to him that I care about how he feels when he is being disciplined and how his perceptions of my discipline matters. There’s no manual for this stuff folks.

So back to my statement at the beginning….Did my son not get the love of God because I couldn’t lead him there? Because one of MY OWN greatest struggles is resting in the love of God? I can’t lead my kids to where I have never been. Oh how needy I am!

I implore you, parents, no matter how old your kids are, ask them questions. Most of all, don’t assume they understand your faith. They may have missed it completely and there is no more important conversation to have. Be open to their criticism and allow them to speak freely about what they perceive to be your faults. And, when it stings, because it will, bring it to God and repent where repentance is needed and then rest despite your failure. He loves your kids more than you do. After all, they are HIS!

Pam